"The Option File"
Posted: Tuesday, May 04, 2010
by Richard Radtke
http://www.cottagebythelane.com
People go through life attempting to gain what they need through by choosing options; their education, their work, even just the way they live their life. The bottom line is most everything a person is, or will become, is based on the options that person has chosen at points throughout his or her journey along the road. When you are a teen-ager, big, important options are; do I go to college, and if so, which one. There are little ones like; do I drink at that party tonight, well sometimes that's one with a big impact. Options change, or rather evolve as we become older, options that loomed ominously when we were young, don't seem to have the same impact as we age.
Willis, my oldest son, is supposedly upstairs in his room, watching basketball on TV. I, on the other hand, am in the kitchen doing dishes (yes, I do dishes, and get this, I even do Laundry too, just ask my wife, sorry guys), when suddenly, without warning I hear, "Iowa just creamed (some team from somewhere by something to something)", my mind blanks out, oh god, there is another basketball game on, Quickly I think, and "The Option File", opens up in my mind, and mentally I do a search for the appropriate response.
Option One: "Nod and agree", as though I actually have some idea of what he is talking about. (I admit it, televised sporting events are usually when I like to do some housecleaning, or yardwork.)
Option Two: "Pass the Ball", Desperately I look, Mom is out of the room, (she is the only one that has any sports knowledge), well the famous "pass the ball option" isn't going to work here.
Option Three: "Nod and agree, with the added use of the word, "Great" ( be careful with this option, make sure you actually listen to the child's statement and tone of voice, if you are not careful with its use, you may find out later that you authorized your child to mail the cat to abu-dabu. Unfortunately you will probably find this little tid-bit out via the S.P.C.A., when they serve you at work for cruelty to cats.)
So given his statement, I latched onto Option Three, "Nod and Agree" being sure to add, "Great" in there somewhere. Here in this situation it worked, of course he followed up with, "Who is your favorite team in the NBA?."
Thankfully I was waiting for this one, because I do know that the Bull's are a team in the NBA, and furthermore I know that Michael Jordon plays for them, ( I know this because my son has a Space Jam towel set and guess who is on it, remember I do laundry, so I see this particular towel alot.) So we go here to option number four on my List in, "The Option File".
Option Four; When asked who your favorite team in the NBA is, always answer, "Bull's".
I answered, "Bulls", then I was informed, "Gee Dad, that is the only team you ever like".
Here I chose Option One, (Nod and Agree), "yes son, that is because I am a loyal, diehard Bull's Fan", (little does he know I have absolutely no interest in, nor any knowledge of basketball, although while wandering through the TV room yesterday, I pointed out to both my wife and Willis, that gee, there were sure quite a few empty seats at that televised basketball game.)
Unfortunately, it was here that I messed up, so puffed up with my seeming vast knowledge and the obviously favorable impression I was making on my son, I added, "Yep, Those L.A. Bulls are the Best", no sooner had I said it than I knew I had just violated "Option One, Sub-Section One" my words were still hanging the air and his eyes, well the best I can say is they went wide.
Just to keep you all up to speed, (Option One Sub-Section One: clearly states; never, ever, add anything to Option One, remember you are already way, way out on the limb.)
So if you are a sports fan you already know, that branch broke and Dad was crashing to the ground.
"L.A. Bulls!?", Uh, Dad the Bull's are from Chicago.
"Oh..., Gee what was I thinking..., (oh good, he'll never notice that recovery, sure...) must have been that game on TV, just got confused there for a moment" (Quick, don't break eye contact, is he buying into this?).
Willis paused, gave me an appraising look, "Well..., They were playing today, I didn't think you were watching it though."
"I wasn't son, I don't like L.A., mind you they are a good team but I think I'll keep my loyalty with, a...Baltimore, (yea thats it) the Baltimore Bulls, I've just admired that team for so long, ever since I was your age, actually." (sure, like I watched basketball then too.)
"Okay", he turned and left the room, I collapsed against the sink. "The Option File", once more had proved its worth, I think...
Authors Note: This story was written years ago, but I like it.
This Article has been viewed 752 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Very funny, Richard, but surely somewhere in your option file is the easiest one of all - just tell the truth! Your kids can handle it! Thanks for this article.Oh yes, that is there too. Thanks for the feedback.
Yep and for someone like me who doesn't have a TV you couldn't prove it by me!
Very funny and I can relate. I always cheer for the underdog no matter what sport I'm watching and my kids and their father always have a favourite team they cheer for. When I try to get involved and ask questions supposedly they are the silliest questions and I get the 'eyerolls'. Good story Richard.
Nice. Oddly, or maybe not so oddly, I kept thinking of Frost's The Road Less Traveled.A story is always what one takes from it, thank you for the comment.
Thanks for the info, I really enjoyed reading that article and I am looking forward to read your other articles.Thank you, I am not sure about the info, but whatever you took out of it (if anything) your more than welcome. Most of all thank you for the comment, I appreciate your taking the time to do so.
A very well written and entertaining article, Richard. I enjoyed it very much. I was never much of a basketball fan myself except for Michael Jordan. That guy has always flabbergasted me with his impossible, uncanny shots!!! I didn't care who won or lost, I just wanted to watch him play.You were able to do more than me, I usually cut and run when basketball is on and I do not have control of the remote!
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